


Where It Happened

by juiceboxjellyfish



Series: Carry On Countdown 2017 [30]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Anniversaries, Breakups, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2017, Crying, Getting Back Together, Kissing, M/M, angst with happy ending, chapter 61
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 21:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13132887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juiceboxjellyfish/pseuds/juiceboxjellyfish
Summary: On the day that would have been Baz and Simon's fifth anniversary if they hadn't broken up, Simon decides to visit the place where they first got together.He runs in to Baz.





	Where It Happened

Christmas Eve. The day that would have been our fifth anniversary.

After searching maps of the forests and roads around what used to be the Pitch house, I think I’ve found it. As I drive down the road, I become more and more convinced that I got it right. The thin, uneven road brings back painful memories, and I can almost smell the smoke and the hints of deer blood. Despite not recalling any specific landmarks, I immediately recognise the spot once I get to it. The forest looks stunningly different now. There’s less snow this year, and it’s also earlier in the day, so beams of sunlight seep between the branches and trunks of the trees. I walk further in to the trees, and there’s more moss and growth than I thought there would be. Though I suppose the place was a little bit scorched when I last saw it.

I reach an opening in the forest, and I recognise that right away too. Despite nature having five years to repair the damage, you can still tell there’s been a fire here. The trees that surround the opening have fewer branches on the inside, and there’s less moss here as well. A few scorched branches are still laying around, because who would have moved them?

There are so many trees and what happened here was so chaotic, so I can’t tell which tree Baz was leaning against that night, but I know that it was right here, most likely within a few square meters of where I’m standing. It’s all coming back to me now.

The raging fire, Baz’s disappointment and hopelessness, the desperation, all of it. I can almost feel Baz’s cold lips against mine, and I can remember when I realised that I’d wanted that moment for so long.  
He slept in my arms.

When I snap back to reality, I realise that I’m crying. And I probably have been for a while. My cheeks are completely wet, and my nose is getting runny. It’s good for me that I’m alone. I wipe the tears away, looking around the forest. How could something that felt so meant to be have ended?

Baz told me at the leaver’s ball that year that he chose me, and that he wasn’t going to change his mind. I suppose he was wrong. Maybe it was stupid of me to believe him. We were only eighteen, after all, and we hadn’t been together for that long. Hell, I didn't even know I liked guys before we kissed in the forest. This forest. Actually, I’m not sure I knew I liked guys when we kissed in this forest either. But I figured it out eventually. Dating a guy is bound to help with that.

I feel my eyes burn and realise that there’s no point in trying to hold the tears back, so I embrace them. I sit down on the ground and lean my back against the closest tree, ignoring the wet patches of snow that are now seeping into my pants and shirt. I don't know what to do with myself.

When Baz broke up with me, he said many things. Very few of them were problems he had with me, and most of them were problems he had with himself. I wanted to reach out to him, to tell him that he was wrong and that I loved him despite all off those things, but he didn’t let me. He left before I could talk him out of it, and once he’d left I didn’t beg for him to come back. I cried and cried to Penny, but I left Baz alone. The decision was his, and I didn’t want to guilt him into staying with me.  
Of course, I wanted him to stay. I wanted it more than anything, more than I’ve ever wanted something before. I wanted us to be together forever, I wanted us to get married one day. But I let him go. Because apparently that’s what you do if you really love someone.

It’s been maybe half a year, and I still cry sometimes when I wake up alone. It hurts when I look at things he left in the flat, and it hurts to look at the pictures of us on my phone. And now here I am, crying in the spot where we had our first kiss. Because I’m a mess.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to drive out here in the first place. What did I think would happen? Any other outcome than me crying alone in the woods was pretty unrealistic. My jeans are wet and my coat is wet, and the tree bark is rough against my back. Snow and water has seeped into my shoes, and my socks are getting pretty soggy. This trip is gonna give me a cold. I’m just about to leave when I hear a voice behind me.  
“Simon?”  
I turn around, and there he is. It’s surreal and I don’t believe it at first, but Baz is standing between the trees. I wipe the tears away from my face.  
“What are you doing here?” I ask. He looks at the ground.  
“It… It would have been our anniversary today,” he mumbles “but I’m guessing you’re aware.”  
“Yeah”, I admit. “Though I didn’t expect to run into you here.”  
“The same to you. But this is… you know, where it happened.”  
I nod. A few moments pass when we’re just looking at each other silently, because what do you say when you run into your ex in the spot where you first got together? It’s not like this specific opening in the woods is a place you’d normally hang out in. Baz is the one who breaks the silence. He’s walked around the tree now to face me.  
“I think that’s the tree”, he says. I look around. He might be right.  
“The tree where I first kissed you”, I specify. He nods.  
“Yeah, that tree.”

And then he kisses me.

I feel new tears roll down my cheeks, but I don’t mind them. I missed him so much, and kissing him now is so emotional that it physically hurts. He pulls away, and he’s crying too.  
“Simon I’m so sorry, I never should have left you! Please forgive me”, he cries.  
I kiss him, and it’s messy and tearful and passionate.  
“I was never even angry! I missed you every single day, I’ve been such a mess since you left”, I confess. Baz smiles.  
“You were always a mess, remember? And I always loved it, because…”  
“Because we match” I fill in. He nods, and kisses me again.

 

There’s something about that forest.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> I honestly can't believe I actually finished the countdown. I wanted to do it, but I never thought I actually could! 30 fics in a month, that is just... so much. I don't know what I'll do now that I don't have to write every day anymore!
> 
> Seriously though, I really want to thank you guys for reading these, especially if you stuck with me through the whole countdown! It means a lot!
> 
> Also an especially huge thank you to everyone who's left comments on my fics, you're what motivated me to finish this!! 
> 
> Please leave a comment on this one as well of you liked it, and Merry Christmas if you celebrate it!  
> If you don't, have a great normal day!!


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